I have been doing a lot of reflecting these past few days. I have made a lot of mistakes on my mission. A looooooooooooot. There are things that I wish I could've known at the beginning that I know now. There are things that I wish I didn't know still... And I have realized how truly amazing the Atonement is. Because of the atonement of Jesus Christ, I can be forgiven of the mistakes I have made. I can finish my mission knowing that I did everything I could to make God proud. There are still times that I wonder and doubt that God loves me with all the flaws and stupid things I have done in my life. But last night I talked to one of my past companions who had to remind me that even though I do mess up a lot, it's the grace of Jesus Christ that makes me worthy to enter into the kingdom of God.
This transfer is only 5 weeks. Normally a transfer is 6 weeks long, but there was a scheduling conflict so they had to change the transfer date. I got short changed. Oh well... what are you gonna do? Anyways, Sister Oler and I figured out that we literally only have 4 full proselyting days with each other. Every other day we will either be in meetings, on exchanges, or at the temple. It's going to flyyyyy by! It makes me sad.
So... That was a suuuuper trunky subject line. But it's kinda true. :( Tomorrow marks the last first day of the transfer that I will have on my mission. I can't believe it. I have 5 weeks left to be a full time missionary. It's so crazy and so sad.I am staying in Cypress for my last transfer! Hurrah! And I am staying with Sister Oler. But.... Plot twist!!!! Sister Greathouse is going to be coming with us in a trio!!! Whaaaaaat??? We were both super surprised because I was with Sister Greathouse for 2 transfers before in Norwalk and she has already served in this ward for 3 transfers before she came with me in Norwalk. So she will have a double repeat. Repeat companion and repeat area! Weird... That doesn't happen very often.
I am not good because I have done good things in my life. Nor am I bad because I've screwed up so many times. I am "good" because Jesus Christ paid for me to be good. Now I have to accept that and do something with it. It does me no good to sit here and be upset with myself because of the things I have done wrong, instead I take that and use it to change myself. A change that is only possible because of my Savior.
I am soooooo grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ and that I have priesthood leaders who can help me access it's amazing healing power! I am soooo thankful for examples of goodness that I can look up to and strive to be like.
I'm probably not done making mistakes, both consciously and unconsciously. I'm not promising to be perfect. But I am promising to "Try a little harder, to be a little better." (President Hinckley)
I want to be better! I want to be someone who God (and I) can be proud of. Thanks for letting me screw up sometimes and for loving my anyways. It's been a bumpy ride... But I think I'm finally starting to see what God has in store for me. That's what a mission does for you I suppose. :)
I looooooove this gospel. I really do. I know that it's true. I know that it is Christ's church. I bear HIS name. I represent HIM. This is HIS work and it can only be done with HIS spirit. I love this work. Soooo much. I have been soooo blessed to be apart of it for 17 months.
God speed this week! I love you all!!
Love, Sister Bauer