Monday, September 8, 2014

It's the final countdown...

So... That was a suuuuper trunky subject line. But it's kinda true. :( Tomorrow marks the last first day of the transfer that I will have on my mission. I can't believe it. I have 5 weeks left to be a full time missionary. It's so crazy and so sad.

I am staying in Cypress for my last transfer! Hurrah! And I am staying with Sister Oler. But.... Plot twist!!!! Sister Greathouse is going to be coming with us in a trio!!! Whaaaaaat??? We were both super surprised because I was with Sister Greathouse for 2 transfers before in Norwalk and she has already served in this ward for 3 transfers before she came with me in Norwalk. So she will have a double repeat. Repeat companion and repeat area! Weird... That doesn't happen very often.

This transfer is only 5 weeks. Normally a transfer is 6 weeks long, but there was a scheduling conflict so they had to change the transfer date. I got short changed. Oh well... what are you gonna do? Anyways, Sister Oler and I figured out that we literally only have 4 full proselyting days with each other. Every other day we will either be in meetings, on exchanges, or at the temple. It's going to flyyyyy by! It makes me sad.

I have been doing a lot of reflecting these past few days. I have made a lot of mistakes on my mission. A looooooooooooot. There are things that I wish I could've known at the beginning that I know now. There are things that I wish I didn't know still... And I have realized how truly amazing the Atonement is. Because of the atonement of Jesus Christ, I can be forgiven of the mistakes I have made. I can finish my mission knowing that I did everything I could to make God proud. There are still times that I wonder and doubt that God loves me with all the flaws and stupid things I have done in my life. But last night I talked to one of my past companions who had to remind me that even though I do mess up a lot, it's the grace of Jesus Christ that makes me worthy to enter into the kingdom of God.

I am not good because I have done good things in my life. Nor am I bad because I've screwed up so many times. I am "good" because Jesus Christ paid for me to be good. Now I have to accept that and do something with it. It does me no good to sit here and be upset with myself because of the things I have done wrong, instead I take that and use it to change myself. A change that is only possible because of my Savior.

I am soooooo grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ and that I have priesthood leaders who can help me access it's amazing healing power! I am soooo thankful for examples of goodness that I can look up to and strive to be like.

I'm probably not done making mistakes, both consciously and unconsciously. I'm not promising to be perfect. But I am promising to "Try a little harder, to be a little better." (President Hinckley)

I want to be better! I want to be someone who God (and I) can be proud of. Thanks for letting me screw up sometimes and for loving my anyways. It's been a bumpy ride... But I think I'm finally starting to see what God has in store for me. That's what a mission does for you I suppose. :)

I looooooove this gospel. I really do. I know that it's true. I know that it is Christ's church. I bear HIS name. I represent HIM. This is HIS work and it can only be done with HIS spirit. I love this work. Soooo much. I have been soooo blessed to be apart of it for 17 months.

God speed this week! I love you all!!

Love, Sister Bauer

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